F***k You Fred!

fuckyoufredMy nearly 6 year old, just broke my husbands heart.

Daddy: You’ve got to sort Zachary out, he hasn’t even lost his first tooth and ‘fred’ at school has already spoiled it for ME. I’m heartbroken.
Me: Huh what?
Daddy: Apparently ‘Fred’ said there is no such thing as the tooth fairy and it’s just your mum.
Me: *Angry scowl*

I stomped downstairs – NO ONE ruins the magic in our house.

Me: *Sauntering past* Hey Zach, daddy was telling me about that poor little boy at your school…

Zach: huh? who?

Me: *whilst generally tidying up* It’s such a shame to hear that his mummy has to pretend as they don’t have any tooth fairies.

Zach: *Quizically* oh fred!?

Me: Yeah, *sits down- serious face on*  Now, i know that he told you that his mummy gives him money for his teeth, and that’s fine. It just means that in his house things are done differently as they don’t believe in magic.

Zach: I don’t believe in magic.

Me: Laughs* Where do you think all your christmas presents come from?

Zach: The Elf and Father Christmas and you. *very matter of fact*

Me: And what does that toy bag say behind yooou…

Zach: Maaagic… Mess and Memories… Oh riiiight! *twinkle starts to appear in his eyes again*

Me: When people believe in magic, tooth fairies and elves and father Christmas come to their door. When they don’t believe in magic they don’t visit, and peoples mummy’s and daddy’s have to pretend to do it all instead. It’s quite sad really. You have to understand that sometimes we need to believe in things you can’t touch or see (surprised myself with that clanger)
*Pause* * Raised voice * Besides how on earth do you think i’m going to afford to pay for ALL the teeth in your mouth without a bit of help?! And how do we afford to pay for all of your christmas presents? We’re not made of money! The tooth fairy and father Christmas are there to help mummy and daddy out, we can’t do it alone… with 3 kids! You know that!

Zach: Ok, i get it mum, can i watch masterchef now? *gives me a hug* ….and can i play with my magic set tomorrow?

Magic re-installed. FUCK YOU FRED


POST NOTE

A list of smart come backs for Zachary to memorise and teach Fred:

  1. “Imagination is more important than knowledge.
    For knowledge is limited to all we now know and understand, while imagination embraces the entire world, and all there ever will be to know and understand.” Albert Einstein
  2. “Everything you can imagine is real” Pablo Picasso
MUMMY NOTE:

Must remember to buy tooth fairy Ikea BEFORE his tooth falls out.

(fictitious name used to protect identities of said school ‘friend’)

 

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