the week my 4 year old dressed me…

Dressed by my son

The week of being dressed by my four year old son was very colourful and crazy

DAY ONE

Soooo…We woke up, ate breakfast,
Monged out (it’s half term) I did some work .
Then it occurred.

“Muuuuuummmmyy… I need to help you get dressed Daddy said i had to, he said i had to use his clothes but I said you had to look beautiful today!” (wicked! mummy 1 Daddy 0, at this point i have faith)

He opens my wardrobe.
FIRST thing he puts his hands on, my green leathers…
“I need some knickers Zach” Ok, mummy how about these spotty ones mummy” (lady boxer style… under leathers… I wince)

“and this T-shirt mummy!” (Scraggy old Superdry T’)
Again, the first thing he puts his hands on in my draw, “are you sure Zach?”
“yes but you need some necklaces and some wrist things…”

MMM! lovely, huge ‘going out’ costume jewellery coupled with my scraggy superdry and my green leathers. “Well I’m going outside today so what am i going to wear on top then” Q, black fluffy cardigan being torn off a hanger, one I normally reserved for pretty little evening dresses. Then to top it all off, my saving grace, a beige hat and blazer combo.

So there you have it folks, Day 1 – not TOO crazy. A little lacking in fashion sense and he totally adopted the ‘first thing i put my hands on’ approach, but so far apart from looking like a confused 16 year old chavy fashionista, I can get away with people thinking i just got dressed in the dimly lit room.

I’m off to Aldi now, alone time for mummy. Bliss!
Check in tomorrow evening if you want a laugh, he said I’m wearing a dress. Oh crap.

DAY TWO

Where do i start.

“Mummy you have to wear yellow knickers today”
“I don’t have any Zach”
“But they would look sooOOOo pretty mummy”
(Oh the innocence of a small child!)

“Ok, this is it – this is the rules and this is how it is” (he actually talks like this, i’m not making it up) “You are going to wear the horsey top and the soft……… soOOO soft skirt, it’s soOOO soft mummy feel it! Mummy, Mummy feel it! Mummy, Mummy”

(argghh shh!) “Ooh luuurvely darling, yes thank you!” (never mind i’ve worn this skirt only once and still not ‘sure’ about it – so glad he doesn’t get sarcasm yet) “Can i maybe have a belt or a jacket?”

“NO. But you must have socks and…”

“I’m going to get cold Zach, find me something for my legs” – He chucks a bra at me. “SOMETHING FOR MY LEGS YOU NIT WIT”(At this point i remember i have thrown all my old ‘office wear’ tights away and only have spotty ones – spotty ones it is then)

“Your bobble hat can keep you warm mum” and you must put tails in your hair like a horse and this necklace . (can’t make this kind of shit up)

So that’s it. Here’s today’s feast for the eyes. Yes, I had a few stares whilst i was out. Two separate people did one of those ‘i think i know her stares’ then i realised they were actually “what on earth is she at the park like that for” stares.
I smiled.

(Note to self: Must by yellow knickers this week)

 

DAY THREE

Festival chic – IN FEBRUARY.
One thing i’m learning about my 4 year old is that he is un-knowingly very good at layering. Realistically, he just can’t make up his mind so he keeps giving me clothes to put on.
“Mummy this will make you look fabulous today, and this, and this…” (calm down son)
I have two outfits on today – possibly three.
One is a pre ‘I’ve had two children’ dress with hedgehogs on that does not do up at all.YES I know i’m the size of a stick – size 10/12 – however I used to be the size of a much smaller stick – size 6/8 – and so are 90% of my clothes. It’s all relative no matter what size you are – if your clothes don’t fit you feel crap, so today I felt a tiny bit crap. This dress is a hand me down from my mum. It still fits her. She reminded me of this when she visited today. Thanks mum.
The other, a pair of almost illegal denim shorts – which are normally worn with tanned legs and a decent shave. Today they had neither. (Two kids, and it’s either you or the house)
Then the thing that kept me incredibly warm all day, a wooly diesel tank top, another hand me down, from my sis this time.
Underneath, we have a yellow vest top …
“mummy it’s yellow like the hat you see, I’m clever!”
I forgot to say we started with the hat. BECAUSE it was yellow. I have unintentionally made my son obsessed with yellow.
Finally, we have boys wellingtons from Primark that i purchased in an emergency situation whilst on honeymoon. (Romantic)
One of my favourite ‘going out’ lacy NEXT blazers, two necklaces and a bangle – apparently they match.
I was surprisingly warm in the winter sun. I felt comfortable, free spirited and i’m beginning to give less of a shit when people stare – or beep. I got beeped at today – convinced it was the hat.

 

DAY FOUR

You know the t-shirt in your wardrobe that’s purchased by a well meaning family member.
Yeah, that one.
‪#‎vegas‬

I’m currently sitting in a dark room writing this. This has GOT to be the most cringy outfit so far. 

My husband laughed.
My son said “you look fabulous mummy”.
My husband laughed and patted my son on the back.
Then laughed – again. (Piss off Paul)
A few things:
1. The person that designed this T-shirt should be shot.
2. My dad must have been under the influence when he purchased it as a souvenir.
3. Tye dye neon pink should be made illegal.
I’m not sure exactly WHAT you call the look I’m rocking today. But nevertheless I’m trying.
I mean I HAVE to – he tried.
Pink t’, pink jacket and pink Newquay 2009 bracelet and neon belt.
There’s a thought process there somewhere.
Whilst visiting my sis today in sunny St. Albans. (Think Wokingham mixed with Ascot but with decent shops) I had the pleasure of plumy coffee mums casting their disapproving eyes over me. All whilst I attempted to stylishly sip a latte with a straight face, bounce a dribbling 7month old on my lap, swat at my mini fashion manager to stop him unsuccessfully spooning hot chocolate into his mouth and try to listen to my darling sister tell me about her new business venture.
I felt even more uncool, when the trendy teenage waitress smiled tenderly at me one too many times. (She can do one too)
Ground. Hole. Swallow. Now. Please.
London tomorrow. Woo!
My enthusiasm is waning, help me!

 

DAY FIVE

Wow. What a day.
The boys and I have just got back from our trip to London and St Albans.
One of my best dresses, has yogurt, dribble and wee down it (not mine).
My sister also had the pleasure of being dressed by Zachary today (good sport) although I’m sure he’s getting too thoughtful, far too much ‘colour matching’ talk came from his mouth – he even said the word ‘compliment’ at some point. Still, i felt better when she spent ALL day pulling her woolly tights up. The satisfaction for me was when she shouted (my sister doesn’t shout) “When i get home and my knickers are around my knees i’m just going to give up. I just give up.”
(Lesson for you sis, throw out old tights with no elastic)
A good day though!
Zachary did a sterling job of wrapping me up warm. Jeans AND a formal pencil dress, neither of which did up – not even close, we are talking less than half the zip done up at the back of the dress. Thankfully the pink fluffy cardigan he expertly chose to complement the bracelet I got from my nan covered the whole thing.
Zach also fashioned me a necklace out of an old chain and a random earring. He thinks my jewellery box is in his words a “treasure trove” When in fact it’s just full of broken costume jewellery or inherited costume jewellery. I am not a ‘jewellery person’ much to the delight of my husband, more of a flower in your hair kinda girl)
But lets talk about the braces. Yes. The braces.
“Wear this ‘belt’ mummy AND this ‘belt’ too”
“Zach they’re braces”
“I didn’t know you had braces mummy”
“Yeah, neither did I…”
Then i remembered where they came from. The cute pair of ‘sale’ trousers that i purchased YEARS ago that fit me OH so nicely. Chuck the braces, wear the trousers right? Indeed! They were a great purchase.
BUT! I didn’t ‘get around’ to chucking them. They ended up entwined with my belts. Never before had I worn the stupid braces – now I have.
Still I did it, I managed to figure out some sort of belt/brace combo and to be fair it helped hold my dress together, whilst we scurried around the Southbank.
What my darling son didn’t take into account though was his little brother, and a certain feeding schedule…
So…. we went on a boat down the Thames today, (yey! something for show and tell next week!) Little O’ sweetly decided to throw a curve ball and scream the boat down for a feed when I was intending on stretching him out till lunch. (does that ever work!?!)
Nobody could hear the offensively chirpy tour guide and so I thought alright little man I’ll feed you. Then…
PANIC. SHIT. How the hell am i supposed to get into this dress… (breastfed bubba) and how had this not occurred to me this morning.
Now, i’m not going to say that it was on my bucket list… but standing in a disabled toilet ON A BOAT going past the houses of parliment with just my trousers on and a bra whilst balancing a 7 month old baby on my breast is definitely a memory that will stay with me forever.
I’ll leave you with that clanger… I’m exhausted, and have just lugged two zonked out boys up the stairs by myself asleep whilst wearing a pencil dress and braces.

 

DAY SIX

Turning up to a photo session looking like a 16 yr old.
‪#‎ponytail‬

I’m NOT so fancy.
You know when you see those teenagers that walk about with the waists of their jeans around their knees and mainly their boxers showing?
And you think, ‘pull them the hell up!’ and ‘WHO told you that looked good!?’ and just ‘WHY!? seriously WHY!’
Well i felt like one of those teenagers today. Although my arresting look consisted of T BAR stilettos over odd socks topped off with a trilby teetering on a high pony tail. Niiice.
So i told Zach i NEEDED to be comfortable today as i had photo session. Zachary then proceeded to measure my feet with a tape measure and decided they were 4 meters long, so some how i ended up with 4 inch heels. He then measured my head (?) and said i had a one inch head so my hat would fit but “only with a pony TRAIL, not a bun top mum”
The socks where his fathers fault. “wear odd socks like daddy always does, haha mummy you look funny” (yeah i can see that child – *gritted teeth* – i think i growled)
He then pulled a pink blouse off the peg and threw it at me along with jeans pulled from the depths of the draw and my ‘I’m so Fancy’ sweater that i basically own because Zachary can not stop singing the song and i thought it was funny. Not ideal ‘serious work attire’ and i look about 15 but hey ho at least it was comfy and i wasn’t in danger of showing my boobs or ass.
Turning up to the session, 5 year old Alex thought it was highly amusing that I had odd socks on. His mother and father were great sports and helped take the photo of me, gave me lunch AND pumped up my tyre. I can only assume they felt sorry for me and my juvenile attire, they were very lovely people.
Baby Louis – is definitely a future fashion designer. He HATED my ‘get up’ so much that didn’t want to smile. However, after copious amounts of flipping my pony tail around in circles he soon also took pity on me and smiled and i clicked.
Or, maybe it was more of a laugh AT me not WITH me….
You see I’m feeling VERY self conscious today, significantly more so than any other day. I was nervous to get out at the petrol station and shop in mini Waitrose. Tripping up the curb and making a spectacle of myself didn’t help this feeling either definitely a ‘ground – hole – swallow’ moment.
I think maybe it’s because for the first time this week i look like a absolute twat. And i look like I’m trying, but failing, to look alternative and edgy. Either way i was very pleased to return home today and hide.
Last day tomorrow. phew! 🙂

 

DAY SEVEN

The fashion finale. Get comfy.
So this morning Zachary did his unhappy face. “BUT WHYYYYYYY can’t i get you dressed everyday mum? Why Whhhy?” In all honesty i had no firm reason and felt very lame when i snapped (at 615am in the morning) “um well you just can’t!” i still can’t think of a good reason why not… But this is the end, for now…
He fashioned me a pretty bracelet with a bow taken from my craft box that had fallen over at the back of my wardrobe. It’s rather kitsch. The red heart necklace (again) matches the bracelet (“don’t you know mum!”)
He then grabbed, the ONLY sparkly item in my wardrobe – taken from an ‘all that sparkles’ themed hen do i went on and coupled that with my black fluffy cardigan and blue jeans. He then said – “somethings missing… you need another necklace” *giggling*… “but you have to put it on your trousers, hahah!”
Challenge accepted – I am wearing a necklace/belt.
I also had a black hat chucked at me “it’s black to match your cardigan mum” Altogether a thoughtful, if not slightly zany outfit. He’s learning.
My trips out today have been limited to the park and a neighbours house for coffee. They laughed. It was expected. I smiled. I’m cool with it now 🙂

 

A WEEK IN REVIEW

So hows this week been for me??
It has been a great release to not worry what to wear each day. Handing over control to another person is somewhat liberating. And, despite my initial reluctance and nerves I was surprised at how oblivious the majority of the general public are.
Being ridiculous with children is awesome. Watching the daily glee on my sons face has been priceless. He’s a good kid. I’m proud of him. Each day he truly cared about where i was going, what i was doing and how his outfit choice would be suitable. He has used his creativity, opened my eyes to the ‘misfit look’ and pulled out some fairly workable outfits that i may try rocking again (with a few little tweaks – and when its slightly warmer!!)
Einstein once said that ‘Imagination is more important than knowledge’ and I think he’s right.
Zach’s learning to read and write – both important skills. And I’m sure in the future he’s going to bring home his homework and I’m not going to have a flipping clue! Heck, he’s already asking why we have hailstones and not snowflakes. (?) I’ll leave those burning questions for the school teachers!
Now I might not be a walking encyclopaedia or have degrees coming out my ass and I might not be the most ‘well read’ person out there.
But I’ve got something.
And what i CAN help him with is evident from what we’ve witnessed this week:
Creativity, Imagination, decision making, problem solving, listening, understanding, humour, compassion, determination, responsibility, presentation skills, experimentation, originality and of course photography.
This week I’ve had fun with my son. He’s reminded me to have patience, courage, and to live in the present.
Zachary was the original inspiration behind ‘and then she clicked’ because it all ‘clicked’ when he came along.
He reminded me there is more to life than money, the 9 to 5, the commute and caring what other people think. He inspired me to want a vocation that my family would be proud of.
So now i do what i love. And that includes being ridiculous, not taking myself too seriously and using my ability to always see the best in people.
I’ve created a business based on my intuition and love of seeing families enjoying themselves. I’ve taught myself how to use an instrument that captures emotions – my eyes – not my camera (thats no more than a cooking pot)
People seem to ‘get it’ and it’s working.
Thanks for listening to my ramblings this week. I hope you’ve enjoyed the glimpse into my crazy little family life. I’m sure there will be plenty more ‘challenge lisas’ and posts i the future. If you have any suggestions, do let me know….
Right now I’m off to decide what to wear tomorrow – and relax!

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