Being a mum to any amount of children, whilst building a business, and keeping a marriage alive is bloody hard work. It’s broken sleep, long ass days, tantrums, nit picking, housework, endless washing and trying to remember the last time you kissed your husband. Don’t get me started on school runs with two under 2 – a logistical labyrinth.
But inbetween the shit storms sometimes things just click. Like when you see the face your 5 year old makes when he’s giving you the 7th rendition of ‘UP Town Funk’, and the awkward moves he thrashes out without a care in the world.
You stop and take it all in and you have a weird feeling of contentment wash over you. You realise your life is happening right here, right now and you can’t get enough of it.
You can’t get enough of how your little ladies eyes light up when your preschooler is 2mm from her face blowing a raspberry, or boinking her on her head with a balloon. You pause, look at them, and just KNOW they will always fiercly love each other.
You forget the shitty night you’ve had because of the way your baby blows those little milk bubbles and how insanely small she looks in her Daddys arms. Because of the way your boys race up and down the hallway and the little one copies the big one.
Tantrums fade to grey, because of cereal bowl drinking is just too cute to tell off when they are 2.
You say you’ll shower “later” because of how your bubba kicks her legs in delight when you enter the room, and you savour the odd tufts of baby hair on her head that remain while her ‘big girl’ hair grows through. And you put the load of washing down because your middlist is adorably shaking his head so hard that his hair flops all over the place (and still you can’t bear to cut it.)
Because of how ridiculously long all of their eyelashes are and how they pretend to be asleep when they’re not.
Because they think it’s hilarious when all of a sudden you pretend to be a lion and chase them around the house, and watch in astonishment as YOU attempt the slide at the park (whilst you secretly hope you don’t get stuck half way down).
Because of the utter joy in their faces when you swing them around in the air and the way your eldest challenges you with his views on the world but still wants bedtime milk. How your baby just wants to be held ALL the time as her brothers are like firecrackers, and you carry her even though your arms are falling off.
Because somehow you manage to experience utter despair and intoxicating joy within the space of a few hours. Because somehow the quietest times at 2am are beutifully juxtaposed by the 5pm witching hour when the noise level is so loud your’e sure NASA would complain, but still there is nothing you would change. It’s your family. Your loudness, your quite times, your story.
This is when it clicks for me. This is my ‘why’. My life. My family. My drive to see the beauty in everyone and everything.